that is to love people without any standard,
to love them regardless of whether they have any value or virtue,
you are asked to love nobody.
-Ayn Rand
You see guy red flags, and instead of running away as fast as you can in the opposite direction, you rather shrug it off or turn a blind eye and run towards it.
How many women choose to play dumb and lower their standards, hoping that these guy red flags they see are harmless or meaningless? No biggie.
But, red flags if ignored can lead to more devastating situations. Before it's too late, save yourself from heartache and more trouble.
Common Guy Red Flags
He who never listens.
When you clearly say "no" for a good reason, and he still proceeds to do it, right under your nose or behind your back. Well, it's only your opinion he doesn't respect. You still matter. Right?
He who is too shallow.
Too shallow to take you or your relationship seriously.
He who lies to your face. All. The. Time.
When he tells you he doesn't have any means of communication with his ex, and yet they're actively exchanging comments on Facebook, like each others' posts (Activity Logs, sweetheart), and her name is still on his contact list.
Add to that the time he forgot to log out and you "accidentally" read their messages. But, you can't confront him, not if you don't want him to think you're prying.
So you pretend you didn't see his "What's up?" and her "Hey, you've lost weight!" reply. It's none of your business after all. They're just being friendly.
Then again, he told you they're not on speaking terms, didn't he?
He who makes time for everything but you.
When he's too exhausted to dial your number, and can't stay up talking to you because he needs to rest, otherwise his health will suffer.
Surely you understand, right? Though he's always present in every drinking session there is, in sickness and in health, that's just him showing his loyalty to his friends. You know that.
Surely you understand, right? Though he's always present in every drinking session there is, in sickness and in health, that's just him showing his loyalty to his friends. You know that.
He who can't make up his mind.
He makes plans, cancels it. Makes another one, reschedules it. Changes his mind, and cancels it altogether. He doesn't mind messing up your schedule and plans because he's confident that your universe revolves around him.You can cancel other things to make room for him in your calendar. He is your top priority. How dare you not make him your priority. Shame on you.
He who couldn't care less.
There you are ranting away and pouring your heart out, telling him how bad your day was because your boss/client/customer transformed into the spawn of the devil that he is, or you have had a misunderstanding with a colleague or friend, or you're just being hormonal.And there he is, your handsome prince, focused on his phone, chatting/texting who-knows-who, or reading, or staring blankly ahead. He's too focused on trying to solve your problems that he's totally zoned out.
Or he's got his own problems bothering him. Or he's chatting with the president and making plans to solve the present economy crisis. Be supportive! Don't bother him with your frivolous stories.
He who belittles you.
He scoffs when you tell him about your dreams, he belittles your ideas, he always criticizes your flaws. And he claims he's only joking when he hurts your feelings with his words.
He who is a foe to your friends.
He doesn't like everything about your friends. Why can't your friends be like his friends? Or at least be like him ---perfect.
He who is eternally broke.
He frequently borrows money from you. He's not a bum, he's got a job. He's just hard up at the moment. Like he was last month. And the month before that.He's in dire need of money because, all his friends have Blackberry phones, and he can't be left out. He's running out of cigarettes and you know it's not cool to be not smoking. And those cute eyes need a Ray Ban to protect them. It's a matter of life and death. Don't be greedy.
He who adores himself.
He loves to talk about himself. He is the best thing that has ever happened to you. You must be honored.
You ignore the red flags maybe because you know your intuition has never failed you yet, and you hope with all your heart that this time you're wrong.
Maybe you desperately want things to work out. Maybe you hope it will go away, or at least change. Maybe you want to persuade yourself that it's normal. Maybe you think you've set your standards too high that you want to believe you can live with these "quirks" anyway.
Maybe you desperately want things to work out. Maybe you hope it will go away, or at least change. Maybe you want to persuade yourself that it's normal. Maybe you think you've set your standards too high that you want to believe you can live with these "quirks" anyway.
If you think you can live with it, it's all up to you.
If you have faith that the other person will eventually change, it's your call.
Remember that like everything else in life, who you want to be with is a choice. And you alone are accountable for the actions and choices you make.
So, stay or leave?
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13 comments
Definitely leave.
ReplyDeleteThese are great reminders for single women about choosing to respect ourselves and choosing a healthy relationship. As the author of a book on repairing relationships, I teach women that they can be the change agent in a relationship. We have to accept responsibility for our own happiness and we have to be willing to ask for what we want from a partner. This was an excellent post, Lux!
ReplyDeleteMinette
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Dr. Minette Riordan
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What you placed here are really red flags. Ladies should avoid men with issues like these because relationship with such men will not last.
ReplyDeleteWhat a comprehensive list! Sometimes people can change, but not all of them do...
ReplyDeleteGreat list, girls beware!
ReplyDeleteLeave and don't bother to look back....
ReplyDeleteSurely run far far away, whether man or woman, who does any of that at their bay.
ReplyDeleteGuys who lie all the time, who are foes to your friend, and who always borrow money -- I think those are really serious trouble! And I've seen those people. Run away as fast as you can to save yourself!
ReplyDeleteIf a guy is lying all the time and only seems concerned with himself... those are the biggest red flags to me! A friends value or input is always welcome because they know you and have some perspective you can't always have while in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I was in relationships with all of the 'he-whos' you listed, Lux. Thankfully, I saw the light!
ReplyDeleteHah hah,so true,all this is happening in our daily life
ReplyDeleteGood list. Better to be alone than to feel stuck with the wrong person.
ReplyDeleteI love the woman dumping the drink on her date! It's the least he deserves.
Lux,we often choose the bad boy...im not sure why... I've raised my standards,it took awhile to learn my worth ♡♡♡
ReplyDelete